Jeff: Visa question.
Me: Visa, or Vista?
Jeff: Damn you T

Dave: "So first this will finish downloading... then it will appear over there..."
Owen: "And there will be much rejoicing..."
Dave: "Then what?"
Owen: "I don't know... I never get beyond that point."

Liz: i'd be like, a retarded unicorn.
Liz: but at least i wouldnt have ingested a priest
Liz: and really, thats what matters in the end

Hannah: I leapfrogged you... brainularly.

Glenn: Now that all my work's done, I feel so homeless...
Owen: Unemployed?
Glenn: No, I'm not counted in the unemployment statistics because I'm institutionalized.

I'm not entirely sure he realized what that means.

Dylan: Ahhh... you mean you weren't planning to write the files by hand as a string of raw binary?
Dylan: You should write them by hand with magnets. That'd be hardcore.

Mr. Brady quotes, thanks to Dylan Murphy --
On viruses: "It's like if you get attacked by M&Ms, and the chocolate enters your body..."
While brandishing a vial of E. coli: "Stand back or I'll kill you all."
On the evolutionary value of cuteness: "If you're going to not kill your children, it really helps if they're cute. [Everyone stares.] I'm not kidding!"

Me: You can do pretty much anything that doesn't involve spontaneous combustion.
Jeff: Isn't spontaneous combustion by nature accidental?
Jeff: I mean, its not so spontaneous if you can identify the source.
Jeff: Like, if I took a flamethrower to some of your property, there's clearly not much of a spontaneous side to the combustion.
Jeff: Well, except for the spontaneity of me producing a flamethrower and turning your room into one big pyroclastic mess.

Alex H: "Under pressure from the White House to act quickly, House and Senate Republicans say they want to send a roughly $400 billion tax-cut and spending bill to President Bush's desk this week, but important differences between the two congressional chambers have not been settled."
Alex H: just what we need, another tax cut...
Owen: Oh... perfect. That'll help... uh.. alleviate the pressure on the House and Senate Republicans.

Me <AUTO-REPLY> : Oh vector::push_back(Entity *)... why are you calling ~Entity()?
Dylan: You make that sound entirely too much like the first line to a really bad love poem.
Me: Like, Oh, vector<Entity *>, why do you make me hit you?
Me: Disclaimer: I never physically abuse my code.
Dylan: "It compiles cleanly or it gets the magnet again!"

Elyyse: Cena does, and unless my spanish completely fails me that means dinner!
Me <AUTO-REPLY>: Today consists of: Coding and Cookie-baking.

And dinner, but that doesn't start with a C.
Elyyse: although you'd have to use the article
Elyyse: which starts with an L
Me: That would be le unfortunate.
Elyyse: or la afortunada
Me: Sure, show me up, Elyyse. See if I care.

Mackenzie: Give humanity another shot, people aren't so bad.
Owen: Oh, I always do. Problem is, it keeps shooting me back.

Alex H: Haha, I was looking to make sure that "strike while the iron is hot" is the correct phrasing, so I searched on google and got: Liverpool strike while Owen is hot - smh.com.au
Owen: That's disturbing...
Alex H: People are striking in liverpool because Owen is hot!

Glenn: Qu'est-ce que le fuck is going on?

Me: Good story.
Glenn: its true
Me: Based on the true story...
Glenn: with some artistic interpretations by the director
Glenn: in the original story, i was wearing pants. apparently thats not very artistic
Me: Now, with a billion percent more hyperbole!

Haley: only slightly confused
Me <AUTO-REPLY>: UBRS (15-man)
Haley: UBRS?
Me: One of my terrible terrible computer games.
Haley: full name
Haley: at least you aren't a warcraft junky
Haley: i have friends that devote a greater part of their lives to that thing
Me: UBRS = Upper Blackrock Spire. And yes, it's World of Warcraft.

Elyyse: yeah... you should've seen me apply for chaos
Elyyse: it was like "ok, so i want to go to conn... but if i don't get in there i have 13 backups"
Me: "you should've seen me apply for chaos"
Elyyse: oops
Me: I think it's called "college," Elyse.

Owen: sorry about tgat
Owen: *that
Jana: tgat is ok
Owen: heheh
Jana: gegeg

Jeff: It makes me want to go sacrifice virgins.

Julia: I really love hats, and I'd have a harem of them if I could
Julia: but they're not cheap
Julia: like wives are

Me <AUTO-REPLY>: Assassins-tyuu, nihongo dake tukaimasu.
Jeff: Nihongo o wakaru yo.

"Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me."
- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

Dylan: Why, oh why, did you have to start playing ADOM again? Now you've gone and gotten me started.
Me <AUTO-REPLY>: Essay-things.
Dylan: Anyway, you're apparently busy with essays, so I just thought I'd drop by and admonish you for causing me discomfort, and send a little spite your way. So many people don't get their RDA of spite.
Me: Adom-onish?
Me: Sorry.
Dylan: ach! mein kopf!

Alex H: right well im off, talk to you alter
Me: Later
Alex H: dont be pedantic :)

Hannah: are the stalagmites helpful?
Hannah: are the stalagmites helpful?
Hannah: i just wanted to say that
Me: ARE THEY??
Me: This is important
Hannah: I DONT KNOW
Me: I was going to order some, but I'M NOT SURE NOW
Me: Put in a work order... "Hey, could you just drip mineral-enriched water right about here for a couple hundred thousand years? Thanks."

Julie: ...owen?
Julie: was the <3! a "<3 factorial"?

Michele: so, if you're speaking japanese, and want to propose,
Michele: don't say "marrimashou ka?"
Michele: aside from the fact that that's not the word for marry..

Elyyse: brb, dryer
Me: girl
Me: wait, that's jeff
Me: k

Make sure you've listened to Ben Folds - You to Thank before voting, heathens.

Elyyse: i've got you
Elyyse: to thank
Elyyse: for getting that song stuck in my head a week ago
Me: for... that?
Me: Ohh, right! Back when Christmas was came around?
Elyyse: and everything was going to crap
Me: Yer mom

Me: I think that's going in the Quotes DB.
Dylan: yatta!
Me: That also.

Dylan: One time zone is 15 degrees of longitude, roughly, and the equatorial circumference of earth is about 40,000 km, so...
Dylan: One time zone is 1,666 km at its widest point.
Dylan: Therefore, with a simple unit conversion, we may conclude that the maximum speed of time is approximately 462.96 meters/second.
Dylan: However, at the equator, one longitudinal second is equal to 30.86 meters.
Dylan: Therefore, time travels at up to about 15 seconds/second.
Dylan: Q.E.D.
Dylan: I'll credit you at the Nobel dinner.

Alex H: So why didnt you apply to any UK schools?
Alex H: Afraid youd be mobbed by Rowan Atkinson's stalkers?

Elyyse: i'd pay you if you could find one person who actually understood everything that was said
Elyyse: that's right, you could be the proud owner of a shiny new dime
Elyyse: smaller than a nickel, but worth so much more

Me: As a big fan of face-watching, I can only agree.
Jeff: I <3 face.
Jeff: (It had to be said)

Dave R: refresh me - isn't the point of the cell towers so that we don't have to worry about wires, and we can talk almost anywhere?
Me: That's a big plus, actually, yeah.
Me: It's one of the leading causes of instantaneous conversation.

Elyyse: jesus christ, why does everyone's name start with J?

Professor Hay disagreed with a Philosophy teacher on whether a book was any good. His argument:
"I'm the English professor. I win."

After watching olympic figure skating...
Jake: None of these costumes are conservative; only one of them had pants!

Excerpt from "Untitled," by Jon:
I'm on the paper train,
going nowhere fast.
Here comes the next stop,
look as it goes past.

This paper train's miles long,
each car a wasted hour.
One by one they hit a wall--
whoops, can't rhyme with hour.

Regarding this quote:
Me: Besides, now we know the maximum velocity at which time flies.
Dylan: ha. I'm afraid I failed to include 'fun' as a variable in my calculations.
Dylan: I'll just blame any inconsistencies on relativity - that's what it's there for.

Liz: You look like that guy from The Matrix.
*Owen, lost for words, puts his hat on*
Liz: Now you look like that guy from The Matrix with a hat.

[Setting: I'm asking Alex about some physics homework.]
BraveSirRobin000: So... intensity of light.
do Sangua: It's intense man.

Glenn: That's exactly what she said not to do!
Jeff: You said "don't," and then "sit on it!"
Elyyse: "IT'S CALLED A SENTENCE!"

Glenn: Didn't our data structures textbook last year refer to RTFM as "Read The Friendly Manual?"
[one minute, thirteen seconds of laughter later]
Prof. Selfridge: Situation Normal, All Friendlied Up.

Jon: What's your brilliant idea?
Owen: I don't have one. I needed one.
Jon: For what?
Owen: To do something awesome.
Jon: For what?
Owen: For... its own sake?
Jon: For what?
Owen: ...
Jon: For what? ...I've been coding for the last four hours.
Owen: My god. And you're stuck in a For loop.

Elyyse: hardy har.
Me: Oookay, time to bury that tangent.
Elyyse: good thing we marked where we put the hatchet
Elyyse: cause, well, wouldn't that be awkward?
Me: Yeah, it'd be a bad time to dig that up.

Regarding the Gaim emote, /me

Me: it's probably been a year since I've seen a /me
***Alex L is way underrated
Me: Hm.

Professor Hay, on essays and using the word "one":
"Sometimes you have to force yourself into tortuous locutions to avoid using the word 'I.' On the other hand, if you find yourself using the word 'dude,' chances are you're being too informal."

On the residual bad karma from his past life as Atilla the Hun:
Jeff: A man leads one horde across Eurasia, and he's fucked for life.

Jeff, on his way to English:
"Set phasers to bullshit."

Ah, Baltimore:
Jon: have fun
Jon: Don't get shot in the face

Dylan: /\/\C/\/\X|_\/][][?
Me: 1997? I'm rusty with big numerals
Dylan: Yup.
Me: Whew.
Dylan: Don't worry, your stunningly impractical skillset is still up to par.

Me: 3
Me: er
Alex: well done.
Me: Eh, they can't all be winners.
Alex: wrong window i take it?
Me: No, I dropped my headphones on the keyboard

Me: I'm trying to find a mix of paper topics that I think could possibly add up to 10 pages of writing
Elyyse: yeah, that's the best way to attack those
Elyyse: don't think of it as one 10 page paper, think of it as five 2 page papers!

Julia: okay, so we decided that chainsaws are the root of all humor and that we must illustrate this face
Me: ..face?
Julia: ... crap

Alex H: you ask "What kind of hardcore philosophy are you into now?"
Alex H: I hear Plato is a gateway philosopher, then you get onto the hard stuff, like Kierkegaard
Alex H: just like Java is a gateway language
Me: It's true; everyone learns on it, because there isn't a computer that can't run it. Next thing you know, you're doing lines of PHP, oblivious to the browser-compatibility hell to pay on the morning after.

Jeff: You'd be amazed at the healing power of a ball of solid-state water to the face.

Me: Also, symbols.
Hannah: especially when they're glittery and in the shape of a pointy object
Hannah: or, rather, object with five points
Me: Like, to reach out to the spectre of continuity, a gold star?
Hannah: yeah - but can we throw a few silver in there, too?
Me: Several. Note the use of throwing stars; we fucking rock.
Hannah: well you need to in order to throw that kind of immense cosmic orb around
Me: If you're referring to planets (ie, rocks) by "immense cosmic orb," then wow. If not, I'm slowly getting lost.
Hannah: no, you're right on track
Hannah: *trainmotion*

Owen: I've determined that you're the number-one quoted person in my SubProfile quotes list. Congratulations.
Alex H: I'd like to thank the acadamy.
Owen: Duly noted. But that's not getting you another quote.
Alex H: Maybe a little morphine would help...
Owen: Okay, I take it back.

Me: Yeah, how's that real world going?
Ana: real world is going ok
Ana: the daily raping is kind of rough
Ana: but you start building callouses
Me: Shit, that's real?

[Setting: Real life! I'm sodden and dirty from a wonderful run around outdoors. I kind of made up the first line, but it's an accurate description, and I know it's something Julia said at some point.]
Julia: Puddle stomping!
Owen Kloter: How was it?
Me: Gloriously filthy.

Jeff: Yeah, I've decided to unveil the 2006 Winter Line of Witty Repartee a bit earlier than the catalogue date.

Stef: there are 10 types of people in this world- those who understand binary, and those who have friends

Julia: Can I borrow your laundry juice?

Glenn: You seem jammed up. Not as in normal jammed up; you're using words I've never heard before.

[At lunch, I hit myself with my tray. Don't ask, please.]
*whak!* "Owwf!"
(pause)
"...This is why I get hit so much. I sound funny when I'm in pain."

Glenn: I remember middle school math team
Me <AUTO-REPLY> : Surprise! -- well, almost.
Glenn: there was a category called "Mystery"
Glenn: which we lobbied to change to "Surprise!!!" to make it seem more fun
Glenn: surprise?
Glenn: negatory, batnerd
Glenn: those were two different topics, in case you're as thick as my hair gel
Glenn: ... alright, you got me, i just wanted to say "in case you're as thick as my hair gel"

Me: Mmm... I'm going to miss rowhouses when I'm in NY... Pretty soon, my free broadband will disappear
Glenn: awww
Glenn: that blows goats
Glenn: you know, the likes of which youve never seen
Me: Goats will be blown. Th... damn it, that's my line! No, I mean, literally; I said that!
Glenn: i know
Glenn: im stealing your identity through verbal-expression-theivery
Me: Does that even mean anything?
Glenn: no, not really

Owen: "Okay, I think I'll go recede into a--"
Julia: "Pulp!"

Owen: Whatever clarity you gain by knowing that is kind of negated; oh well.
Jeff: Funny, isn't that?
Owen: Well, it has a sort of... balance to it. For every question answered, another raised. (Warning: may not be to scale.)
Jeff: Owen, one day I'm forcing you to write lyrics to a song.

Alex H: Yo
Owen: Woo
Alex H: I'll woo you
Alex H: but not in that way...

Me: So, life's a lot more like a dumb slapstick show?
Michele: a little bit
Michele: like a romantic comedy
Michele: where someone dies

Discussing Miyazaki's Castle in the Sky:
Elyyse: ok, it pissed me off in one respect
Elyyse: for the whole movie they're like "omg wtf laputa <3" and then they get there and spend like, 30 seconds "exploring" before they destroy the evil technology and leave it forever. I would have at least, like, climbed a tree or something.

Alex H: Ditties are sung.
Alex H: Humming is seperate.
Owen: Ah. There we go... I'll bear that in mind when I'm next tempted to hum a ditty.
Alex H: Ya, can't be done.
Owen: Is that a challenge?

Me: HE KNOWS WHERE I LIIIIVE!!
Me: *quiver*
Dylan: Eh, you're too dangerous to stalk. You might bisect me.
Me: True. Or I might show you my skills of a martial artist.

Dave: This combines the impractically ridiculous with the ridiculously impractical.

Elyyse: you should write your poem about my chair
Elyyse: call it "cool chair"
Elyyse: and it should go
Elyyse: Elyse wants a chair
Elyyse: A chair she wants
Elyyse: In the corner
Elyyse: Where the shelves used to be
Elyyse: She should go out next weekend
Elyyse: And get
Elyyse: One

Marcus: i've gotten to delete
Marcus: and it is bombing like Hiroshima
Me: We'll hold a war-crimes tribunal, and bring you to justice for writing it
Marcus: add that to your favorite quotes page
Marcus: NOW
Me: And he thinks I'm kidding. I'm serious; you shouldn't be asking yourself, "what's a successor?"
Marcus: i have a successor class
Marcus: function
Marcus: whatever
Me: Just one question: do you want to be blindfolded for the firing squad, or not?
Me: ...okay, I'm done. What were we talking about?
Marcus: delete
Marcus: and how its blowing up
Marcus: and how i'm not suprised
Me: Ah yes... Hiroshimish.
Marcus: exactly
Marcus: Hirosqueamish

Julia: I DO LOVE THOSE NOT POXES
Julia: AND THE CAPS LOCK OF COURSE
Me: <3S AND GIGGLES, DEATH
Julia: hehe, awww
Julia: needs more hannah

Me, to Jon: Oh god. I've always dreaded the day you used the wink emoticon. I see that you're exceeding expectations.

Me: Good press conference.
Glenn: you heard it here first, folks
Glenn: gay
Me: Stay tuned for our analysis, after these words from our sponsor.

Me: Odd... where are you downloading from? What with it being Thursday night, you'd think everyone's too busy being inebriated to use our internet power.
Jon: You'd think that.
Me: Unless, of course, drunken web-surfing is all the rage.

Elizabeth: qqqqqqqqqqq
Elizabeth: this has been a test of the emergency pirate takeover system
Elizabeth: thank you
Me: You = my hero

Hannah: i have to admit, i wasn't questioning your alarm clock, but rather, just say splainey
Hannah: cause it sounded cool
Me: Splainey.
Hannah: no, i mean i wanted to say splainey, which i did
Hannah: i'm sorry, i splaineyed that poorly

Alex H: haha, the new Iraqi president's name is TALABANi
Me: Oh dear...
Me: Someone didn't consult with marketing on that one.
Alex H: hehe ya, "I'm sorry sir... I think you're gonna wanna change that name there"
Alex H: "so like, Sovieti?"
Alex H: "no, no, see, you're not thinking outside the box"

Jason: So, to make the geekiest analogy ever
Jason: I may have created a monster, but he's 7/7 Trample, so no worries.

Elyyse: but other than that i'm still carless and bored
Me: Ooh.
Me: Is 'careless' like carefree, or like sloppy?
Elyyse: it's "carless" as in sans-car
Me: Whereas "careless" would be more like "neglecting to read the lack of an 'e' in that word?"
Elyyse: precisely.

Jeff: At this point, she basically needs to cure cancer just to become a tangible blip back on my respect-o-meter.

Alex H: I suspect that Bush writes a lot of bouncy checks in his real life.
Alex H: What are you talking about? I don't need money.
Owen: I've got checks!

Elyyse: let me know when you invent a time machine and i'll fix it
Me: I'll let you know before I have a time machine, just to screw with you. By that point, I won't have anything better to do.

Julie: I'm allowed to do harm, as long as it's in a jocular manner.

Elyyse: I'm not going to fix the chimney.
Owen: Wait, what's wrong with it?
Elyyse: Well, if it's a carrot, it doesn't need a chimney, now does it?

Me: "This is where you say something insulting and leave, right?"
Glenn: "...I like your stapler." [He leaves.]